TIME just announced its annual TIME 100 list, and unsurprisingly, Barack was yet again chosen as one of most influential people in the world. Interestingly, Michelle also made cut under the “icon” category, and while she does
on the rare occasion have her moments of influence, I am curious as to what the qualifications for icon status are, and more importantly, why I wasn’t designated as one.
Former First Daughter and Party Gurl, Jenna Bush Hager, along with husband, ______ Hager, welcomed Maraget Laura “Mila” Hager into the world this past Saturday. Mila is former president George W. Bush’s first grandchild. Although babies scare the bejesus out of me, I couldn’t be more excited for Jenna, her unnamed husband, & the rest of the Bush-Hager clan!
Also, let the countdown begin until George W. paints a
hilariously awful precious portrait of his granddaughter, which is arguably what I’m most excited about.
Not only did I dine with the dreamy Mr. Timberlake last night but I also got to sit front & center as he serenaded the crowd - but, mostly me -with his soulful cover of “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay”. It was the most magical night of my magical life. The perks of being DOTUS never cease.
Spring is officially in the air here at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and for some that means rejuvenation in the form of pretty flowers, nice weather, butterflies and rainbows. However, for the more practical minded, springtime is just an allergy and bug filled countdown to the impending doom that is swimsuit season. Plus, people wear the horrid combination of socks and sandals, and that’s enough to make you want to hide inside eating jello salad all day (which is where you’ll find me).
So Barack is in the proverbial dog house with basically everyone after claiming that Kamala Harris, California Attorney General, is not only dedicated and tough but that she, “happens to be by far the best-looking attorney general in the country.” However, no one is more irate by these comments than the First Lady.
Barry, Barry, Barry, I’ve warned you time and again about awakening the great dragon, but since you failed to heed my advice, I feel no sympathy for the storm heading your way (and I can speak from experience, hell hath no fury like FLOTUS scroned).
Seeing as you’ll be joining me on the couch for an indefinite amount of time, we can have a Harry Potter movie marathon. I think you need to have a little refresher course on equality, and who better to learn from than the S.P.E.W founder herself, Hermione Granger? (Hint: no one)
Pictured above is a Marine special ops team’s working dog, Wilbur (which, I thought was only a name given to some pig, but I digress), who valiantly assisted the Afghan Local Police in successfully building a checkpoint in Helmand province, Afghanistan. Bravo, Wilbur - and when you’re back stateside, let’s do dinner.
The 5 rules of live performances (as told by me, professional showstopper):
5. Survey your surroundings - you need to be aware of 2 things, the nearest exit & the prettiest person in the crowd
4. Know your audience – the goldfish rule: forget about them 3 seconds later
3. Bottled water must be on deck at all times – I recommend San Pellegrino or Evian
2. Engage, Execute, Entertain – this is self-explanatory
1. Avoid sharing the stage at all costs – if forced to, act disinterested (as seen above)
Today marks the White House’s annual Easter Egg Roll, and to the surprise of no one, I was given the crucial role of determining if the hiding spots were up to par. Naturally, I found all the eggs within a matter of seconds, but here’s hoping that it presents a challenge for everyone else (especially Michelle, as she forced me pose in these stupid bunny ears again).